Best of FB 2014

Best of FB

·         Feb

o   Poor Joss, kid pulled a sippy cup of milk from the fridge - it was bad. found another - bad. And anther - bad. Kid had about 4-5 cups of milk in various cups, all way past their expiry date. Blech.

o   Joss: Do you like my baby? *brandishes a monkey stuffed animal* His father is dead, so he's with the tiger now and then Paul's going to be his daddy. Paul! Paul - the monkey's daddy is dead, so you're the daddy now, okay?

o   Boys insisted on me doing their nails. Joss has been asking nightly for several days, and I finally caved. Joss has blue glitter on his right foot, black on his left, and both hands have red, sparkly red, and purple. Paul has black middle fingers and middle toes, the other 16 digits blue glitter.

o   My little guy is FOUR today! Never thought he'd make it...first in the NICU...more recently when he was in time out... Now, just have to make him get a job and we're set.

o   Superbowl: Paul is rooting for the Seahawks because they're winning. Joss wants the "six guy" to win. I'm not sure what that means.

o   I was in a not entirely crappy mood, and then my kids demanded cheese to eat in the bathroom...

o   Joss is bellowing a free style song, the lyrics are: You don't know what this song is about....everything is a rainbow...

o   Wouldn't you think stores would realize that they'd make a killing selling mittens in February, because the kids have already lost most of theirs and there's still 2 months of winter left?

o   In retrospect, a "Choose Your Own Adventure" was probably a poor choice for Paul's book project.

o   Overheard from Joss: Daddy, pants are a kind of bib for my underwear

o   We are totally having Snow Ice Cream for dinner. I will make this happen. Tonight.

o   I incapacitated the boys with a double punch of wet nail polish on their hands and Jake and the Pirates on Netflix. Maybe I can shovel a path to bring in the recycling bins...

o   Magic

§  Paul is watching me, hawk like, as I cut up some cheese for snacks, when across the room there's a clatter, and Joss wails, "Mommy! Stop Paul from magically knocking over my blocks!"

o   Pranks

§  Paul: You wanna know a prank?

§  Me: Um...sure?

§  Paul: OK, so, you take a coin, a bottle of water, and a funnel. Then you put the funnel in your pants-

§  Me: And we're done.

o   Olympics

§  (We're watching skiing on the Olympics. The skier is from Norway)

§  Paul: I think I love Norway?
Shawn: Why?
Paul: Because that's where trolls come from.

§  So...there you have it.

o   "It's like water, just tastier!" - Paul about my mug of green tea...which he chugged...

o   When Nature Calls

§  Me: Are you done getting dressed?

§  Joss: No! I had to pee and poop.

§  Me: Well, hurry up!

§  Joss: I'm trying! The pee went very fast but the poop is going v-e-r-y s-l-o-w...

o   Babies

§  Joss: When I grow up, I want to have a baby.

§  Me: You do, do you?

§  Joss: Yeah, a SUPER DINO BABY!!!

o   Was joking around with Joss about hanging him by his thumbs in the closet to keep him out of trouble...and then sillier and sillier ways of hanging him up (by his underpants from a flag pole, etc.) Next thing I know, he's calling out toShawn, "Daddy? How can you hang me?" Call from CPS in three...two...

o   Both my children are asleep in their respective cardboard boxes. Boxes that are on the floors of their bedrooms, right next to their currently empty beds.

o   Smart mom move: I set up an Amazon subscription for children's toothbrushes - a package of two - to automatically come every 3 months. No more forgetting to replace them!

·         Mar

o   Watching Ghostbusters with the kids, all three of us crammed onto the same couch cushion. Back off man. I'm a scientist.

o   Paul was getting stir crazy, so I dared him to see how many jumping-jacks he could do. 200. Now he's showing Joss. ‪#‎BrilliantMommyStrikesAgain

o   Joss is coloring over the Avenger tattoos on his arm to "make them all bloody."

o   Watching Mulan with the boys because Shawn disagrees that Dexter counts as educational programming.

o   Feeding the boys stove-top chocolate pudding in my Bubbie Lee's green glass dessert bowls.

o   Instead of more math problems, I have Paul writing a three sentence story. He's part way through, and doing amazingly well.

o   4yr old insists on walking backwards to get his socks...I hear a noise...he has fallen backwards into a laundry basket. Hilarity ensues.

o   "Why is there a chair in the hamper?"

§  -overheard in my house

o   The kids are running naked in circles around the house, smacking their own asses. It's like Benny Hill without the class.

o   Apparently the "run around the house naked while slapping one's own bum" thing has yet to pass from vogue.

o   Joss announced he has a new nickname at school. He says happily "Kate calls me Butt Butt. Or, Butt for short!" He was quite proud.

o   Steve & Shelly Weil are leaving the house and heading back to Florida. Steve extends his arms and says "I love you thiiiiiiiiis much." Joss says "I love you a hundred, thousand, million!" Paul says "I love you around the multiverse!" Guess which one of them was watching Cosmos this morning?

o   Paul has watched Cosmos so often now that anticipates the next scenes and segments when we re-watch. It is the first "appointment television" we've ever had. When I told him there was a new episode tonight he asked to watch it *immediately*. He literally didn't understand that he couldn't watch it yet!

o   Jokes

§  Paul has been reading the "Jokelopedia" and regaling us with comedic masterpieces. This morning we heard the following (joke said from memory):

§  Paul: Why did Co-lo-nal Sanders cross the road?
Shawn: I'm not sure. Why did Colonel Sanders cross the road?
Paul: Because he thought there was a chicken there!
Shawn: (laughing) Paul, why is that funny?
Paul: Hmmmm...because he doesn't like chickens?

o   Body

§  Joss: Know what's big on your body, Daddy?

§  Shawn: Um...no?

§  Joss: Your head! And your belly!

§  Shawn: *grimaces*

§  Joss: And your armpits!

§  Shawn:...You're pointing to your elbow.

o   Cosmos

§  My six-year-old is a HUGE fan of Cosmos. He has also been exposed to a religious (though rather progressive) viewpoint from years of synagogue attendance. He said to me this morning "My teacher gave me a fun fact: the big bang is still happening - the universe is still expanding!" I said "Yes, that's one theory. Others believe that it's contracting. Some people think that it's only 5000 years old and isn't expanding or contracting at all."

§  His response? "I think that God made the big bang. How else would he do it? And it's definitely expanding!"

o   So, Paul's cutting an upper right second molar...with the upper left juuuust about to cut through... I don't have a son, I have a shark.

o   Bathtub

§  Joss, whining: We wanna stay in the tub and soak.

§  Me, fed up: Well, you should have thought about that before sticking your hands up your butts and shouting at me. Out of the tub.

o   Just Another Night

§  Timeline:

§  11pm - went to bed

§  1:30am - Joss came into my room talking (?) about something (?), I pull him into bed on my side.

§  Next 2 hours - Joss tosses, turns, moves my arm into different positions, moves my pillow around

§  Next 1/2 hour - finally comfortable, sleep

§  4am - Joss gets up to pee, gets freaked out by the auger left in the bathroom from the most recent unclogging of a broken toilet, comes into room crying that he wants to pee downstairs and wants me to take him.

§  4:01am - manage not to scream "for fucks sake just pee," get out of bed, put him on the potty next to the auger, take him to his bed, shush him as he begins talking loudly about (?), lie down next to him

§  Next 2 hours - Joss tosses, turns, STARES AT ME, puts pillows on my face

§  Next 1/2 hour - finally get comfortable, sleep

§  6:30am - Shawn comes in to wake us, Joss pops out of bed super cheerful. The most wonderful husband I've been married to so far lets me sleep another half hour.

§  7ish am - Hate the world

§  (projected time line)

§  9ish am - swear my way into work

§  10ish am - swear at a patient for the first time of the day

§  10:15am - leap over my desk and throttle a patient

§  11am - finally get some sleep in holding until the Throrazine wears off.

o   Monster

§  Joss: Why did Cookie Monster eat the soap?

§  Paul: Why?

§  Joss: Because he thought it was a cookie!

§  This was immediately after they had a very complex discussion about how all their Grandpas were dead, except for Steven.

o   We've started the phase where the 6yr old takes the food I'm eating from my hand & asks if I still want it as it disappears down his throat

·         Apr

o   I just made Paul, by request, a peanut butter and honey sandwich ON a cheese quesedilla. I hope he's not pregnant.

o   Teaching Joss how to slide down a fireman's pole in a giant wooden pirate ship. As one does on a Sunday.

o   It's not every day you see Spiderman riding a Dinosaur. Unless you're me.

o   Paul chatting up the moms and charming the toddlers...

o   Thresholds

§  We've been telling Paul not to wake us up over night unless there is an emergency: bleeding, vomiting, diarrhea etc. Last night he wakes me up at 2AM. "Daddy! Daddy! It's an emergency!" The problem? He has a hangnail that's just a little bit red. "Back to bed with you!"

§  In the future, the above will read *profuse* bleeding, projectile vomiting, and explosive diarrhea.

o   My birthday cards.

§  Paul wrote "I love you mommy" backwards, and drew faces with hearts for the eyes and nose.

§  Joss wrote "Mommy=Joss" (I think?) and drew a picture on the back of a person with a loooong neck and no body, only arms and legs.

o   Legos

§  Joss: Why did the woman have no arms and no legs?

§  Shawn: I don't know.

§  Joss: Because her hands are made out of legos, and her feet are made out of legos! *Raucous laughter.* That was supposed to be a Lego joke.

o   Joss "misplaced" his favorite teddy bear. As we're searching high and low, he decides this is a Scooby-Doo mystery, and that he's Scooby and Paul is Shaggy and I'm the rest of the gang. He was hoping for some clues, but no such luck. The bear is still MIA and the local amusement park is still "haunted."

·         May

o   Lovey

§  I just made clothes for a lovey by cutting up a sock.

§  Because, not enough to do this morning.

o   Muffins

§  I gave kids full-size pumpkin muffins, as opposed to mini-muffins.

§  Joss: Are there any little ones?

§  Me: No, honey, just big ones.

§  Joss: Whyyyyy?

§  Me: I ran out of little muffin pans (true).

§  Joss: Well, can you buy more?

§  Me: Yes, but I can't go back in time and make mini ones for this morning.

§  Joss: Whyyyyy?

§  Me: Physics.

§  Shawn chokes on his pumpkin muffin.

o   Busted 6yr old for turning on his light to read at 3:30am. Because he was chatting back to the book. Love him, but now /I'm/ up at 3:30am.

o   When I went to pick up Paul, his mouth was red. I figured he ate something with food dye. I went to say hello and smelled cherry. Then he gave me back my cherry Baby Lips lip gloss. The one he stole from the kitchen counter this morning.

o   Anatomy

§  I bend over to kiss Paul good night. He looks down my tank top and asks,

§  "Mommy, why do you have those two udders?"

·         ‪#‎GottaWorkOnHisPickUpLines

o   Walked Paul to school for Walk/Bike to school day. We helped a shaky, diabetic old lady across the street...then realized Paul's backpack was empty - all his stuff fell out in the car...

§  At least Joss didn't spill an entire cup of milk on himself and have to change all his clothes. Oh wait...

o   Ghostbusters

§  Parenting win: I've been joking with the kids that they have college age brother named Schmendrick. I'll say "we need to pick your brother Schmendrick at the train station," or "you look just like Schmendrick when you do that." The kids sometimes play along and sometimes tell be I'm lying

§  Today Paul responded "Daddy, there is no Schmendrick, only Zuul!"

o   Also, Paul informed me that his chewable children's Claritin was "Clam chowder flavored."

o   Reasons

§  Me: Joss, can I ask you a question?

§  Joss: Yeah?

§  Me: Why is it your mission in life to drive me crazy?

§  Joss: Because I'm a kid! And I'm a little boy!

§  Me: Ah. Well then. Good job.

§  Joss: *a beat, the resumes crazy-driving behavior*

§  Me: Sarcasm is lost on you, huh.

o   Paul is tunelessly singing his way through the Frozen piano music book. It's touching and cringe-worthy at the same time.

§  I love that boy.

o   Mustard

§  Joss, seeing the clouds come in, says "It's like a sandwich! The sun is the cheese and the clouds are the bread!"

§  I ask if it will be too hot. He responds, matter-of-factly "Yes, but you'd cool it off with mustard before you eat it."

o   Shawn and I giggled like 12yr olds as Paul and Joss described the length and girth preferences of the pickles they'd like in their respective lunch boxes.

o   Demands

§  Joss: MOMMAY! COULD YOU OPEN UP MY (cereal) BAR PLEASE!

§  Me: I did.

§  Joss: NO, YOU DID NOT!!

§  Me: Check the other end.

§  Joss: *wrapper rustling* Oh. I did not know that, Mommay.

o   Paul's asleep on the couch - a planned "camp out" - Joss is in his bed, and I'm reading Saga and Sandman while drinking very bad wine and eating popcorners. Not terrible for a dark and stormy night...

o   Forgot to mention - Paul FINALLY has a loose tooth. Two, in fact. The two upper front teeth. He'll be all jack-o-lanterny in time for his first grade school pictures.

·         Jun

o   Blackout

§  Blackout in the 'Mills...kids were juuust awake enough to freak the hell out...just settling down now...1am...

§  If only all three power on mom's street went out 20 min later, once they were already asleep.

§  But no, and I'm on the pull-out couch with two restless sleepers. — feeling uncomfortable.

o   Paul ate 4 scrambled eggs with salami for dinner...and was still hungry enough to polish off a few granola bars.

o   Jokes

§  Paul: What is the purpose of a reindeer?

§  Me: I don't know, what?

§  Paul: To make the grass grow, sweetie!

o   Paul thought it was very funny to see me in a surgical gown...but was less amused when I told him I was actually doing his surgeries. Smart kid.

o   The Red Pill

§  Paul said he was feeling a lot good, but a little bit bad. I told him that's what the medicine I just gave him was for.

§  "Oh, thank goodness! ...Even though it tastes a little weird."

o   Hey, Sheila, Joss has decided that your empty bottle of orange Ice water is not recycling, but is actually an instrument. And he's insisting on sleeping with it tonight. So...thanks.

o   Running Man

§  Joss: Mommy! I can run for ONE HUNDRED HOURS. At ONE TIME.

§  Me: ...Yes, yes I can believe that. — at Hastings Park.

o   Pollution

§  Paul calls me from his room at 9:30 PM. This is very unusual - he usually falls asleep quickly. He says that he can't sleep because of bad dreams. "What dreams?" I ask. "About lead poisoning and pollution! Did you know that the summers are going to get hotter and the winters colder!" I try to reassure him that he is safe and comfortable and that we do what we can for the environment - like recycling and conserving energy.

§  Then he asks me to sing him a lullaby, which I haven't done with him in at least a year. I loved singing to him, but was sad for his anxiety. He was asleep by the end of the song.

o   Good news: Paul aced his big end-of-year math test! Wait...he's in kindergarten. Should he even have a big end-of-year math test?

o   Paul charmed all the doctors and residents as they checked in, and went under anesthesia like he's been popping whippets for years. Now the long wait...it feels like forever until Shawn gets back from the au bon pain with my coffee! The surgery should be done in about 60-90 minutes. — at Boston Children's Hospital.

o   Paul is home from his minor surgical procedure and enjoying the high of the narcotics! He was a real trooper and should be back to school by Monday. — with Beren Weil at Boston Children's Hospital.

o   Jokes

§  My four year old has a quite refined sense of humor. He's already perfected the non-joke.

§  Joss: I have to tell you a joke!
Shawn: Okay
Joss: Knock knock
Shawn: Who's there?
Joss: Uh....
Shawn: Uh who?
Joss: No! I'm just thinking who should be in the joke!
Shawn: Um...okay
Joss: Ed 
Shawn: Ed who?
Joss: No...no...Knock knock
Shawn: Who's there?
Joss: Shower
Shawn: Shower who?
Joss: Yea! We're having a shower tonight! Get it? It's morning time, but we're having a shower in the night time!

·         July

o   Cutting

§  4yr old: Mommy?

§  Me: Yeah?

§  4yr old, cutting a piece of paper into tiny bits with scissors: Witches sleep with their hat off.

o   I'm kinda proud that the part of the "Potty Emergency" scene in Animaniacs that Joss picked up on the most was that Wacko never washed his hands... Not that Wacko ran across the world carrying a toilet, but that he didn't wash his hands after.

o   Procrastination

§  OMG, I just found the baby blanket & pillow set I made in anticipation of having a baby...4-6 years too late in digging that up.

§  ‪#‎gorgeous

o   Sequencing

§  It's the second day in a row Paul forgot to take off his underpants before putting his bathing suit on.

§  Apparently, he walked around the rest of the day in wet undies...

o   Paul's loose tooth on the bottom is gonna come out any day now. It's soooo wiggly.

o   2:30am, I wake up to crying. I stumble to Joss' room, where he's sitting up in bed, wailing, "I need somebody to cuddle with me!" I crawled into his bed and cuddled him, then asked him why he didn't just come into my room? "I didn't want to wake you and Daddy up."

o   Joss is singing Let It Go as we watch Frozen...but he's tired, so it's half-hearted...so cute. Guess you get to live here another day, kiddo.

o   Dinosaurs

§  Joss: What do you call a dinosaur with no arms or legs or smell or face?

§  Me: Uhhh...I don't know.

§  Joss: *with pride* A WINDOW!

§  /End Surrealism with Preschoolers

o   Paul's letter from the Tooth Fairy - please note glitter footprints in the upper right and lower left corners, and please disregard the juice stain on the ottoman.

·         Aug

o   Swimming

§  Two weeks ago, Paul told me that he could swim for "very, very, very, very short distances." This morning he unexpectedly swam (doggie paddle) the length of the pool at the hotel we were staying at - five times in a row.

§  I just don't get it.

o   Last Lexington Bicentennial Band concert of the year for us...Joss play's Hide and seek with baby Matthew, and Paul and James find them selves dueling for their lives...or points. I don't know what the hell the kids with swords are doing.

o   Worms

§  Me: Do you want your dinner worms ground or whole tonight?

§  Joss: I don't eat worms OR holes!

o   Illusions

§  Joss: Daddy, that door looks like an Octopus Collusion!

§  Shawn: I think you mean optical illusion. — with Sheila Ornstein.

o   Shawn is trying to convince Paul that there's a baby in his (Shawn's) belly. Paul is...not entirely unconvinced...

o   This morning's snuggly cuddle came to an abrupt end when Joss began gleefully insisting that I play with his "bum-bum."

o   I installed Joss' new booster seat - a deluxe model with side lights (which I may or may not actually put batteries in) and dual cup holders. Paul's gonna be so pissed.

o   Paul just lost his second tooth in the car en route to a cousin's wedding in CT. Can the tooth fairy find us over state lines tonight? We'll have to see how drunk she gets at the wedding, I guess...

o   Makin' and smashin' play dough people with my future sociopath...

·         Sep

o   DON'T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH, IT HAD A TOILET SEAT ON IT!!

o   Love

§  Joss: Mommy, I love you to the moon and the Earff and the sun and to outer space and back again...and a thousand, kagillion pounds.

§  Well played, kid. You shall live to see another sunrise.

o   Hearing a suspicious noise, calling out "is what you're doing something Mommy will like or be mad about?" and hearing the noise abruptly stop.

·         Oct

o   Joss: Daddy, can I please have a goggleplex of cheese?

o   Birthday

§  My oldest son lives at home, has no job, no significant other, & no ambition to do anything except read graphic novels.

§  Happy 7th birthday, Paul.

o   Writing

§  I got Paul to practice writing by having him copy the following phrase two times:

§  A ghastly glob of nasty nose gold.

o   Bleeding

§  I've been asleep approximately 4 hours when Boy #2 begins climbing into bed with me, complaining about something really inconsequential ("My water bottle is only a little full not a lot full" Are you thirsty? No? So why does this matter at quarter to 5am?), climbing out of my bed, slamming my bedroom door, slamming his bedroom door, slamming his door again, slamming my door again, climbing back into my bed, repeat, repeat, repeat.

§  Then Boy #1 walks in.

§  "Mommy, I have a bloody nose."

§  OK, hold a tissue to it and pinch it closed.

§  "Ow."

§  Not that hard.

§  *I go into the bathroom to get more tissues, there's blood streaks on the vanity.*

§  Why is there blood on the sink?

§  "I only thought my nose was running."

§  ...So why would you still wipe it on the sink?!?

§  Were you picking your nose?

§  "Yeah. I pick it a lot."

§  That's why it's bleeding. Stop picking your nose.

§  "But-"

§  No. No fingers in your nose. At all.

§  Today's already been so smashing. Thank you, may I please have some more?

o   Explanations

§  Our thing lately is me saying "do this action because of this reason and/or desired result," one or the other of them saying "whyyyyyyy?" and me replying either with "what. did. I. just. say." or "because I've unilaterally and arbitrarily told you to do so."

§  Good times.

o   Age

§  Paul is discussing Jupiter's rings, discovered in the early 1900's...

§  "So, Dad, so I think you were around then."

·         Nov

o   Foreign Objects

§  Doctor: (Looking into Paul's ear at a routine physical) Looks like his ear tube is loose in his ear canal. I'll take it out easily.
Shawn: Um...what ear tube? He never had ear infections.
Doctor: (Looking puzzled) Take a look.
Paul: Dad - I told you a YEAR ago that I had a bead stuck in my ear!

§  ...he didn't...

§  I had to hold his arms and legs while the nurse held his head still. Ten very fraught seconds later he was bead free. Loving parenthood!

o   Reading

§  Paul and I had a disagreement about which book he was to read for this week's reading assignment. He's been hooked on graphic novels, which are wonderful but not what we're going for (i.e., fiction chapter book). His suggestion: The PreHistory of the Far Side - which describes Gary Larson's background & process and gives anecdotes about the strip.

§  I pointed out that the book was non-fiction. His reply was "Daddy, cows don't say "car"! That's FICTION!"

o   Drinks

§  Beren: We need to get Manischewitz and Bailey's at the liquor store.

§  Shawn: That's a cocktail I'd skip.

§  Beren: I'd call it "Diabetes."

o   Label

§  We had a hard time getting out the door this morning. Why? Because Joss *had* to make sure his name was on the tag of his new coat before we left.

§  The problem? He was using a mechanical pencil.

o   Paul is on a mission to read the first 48 "Magic Tree House" books in one night. If anyone can do it, it's him.

o   Intros

§  Watching "Earth-to-Echo."

§  Joss: This beginning looks like Cosmos!

§  Paul: I think that's just the prologue.

o   Revolutions

§  Tried to explain the concept of a guillotine to the kids this evening, which was entertaining. Paul asked if there was a finger sized guillotine if you wanted to keep your head. I said there was - for cigars!

§  Neither kid knew what a cigar was. Nor a cigarette. I actually had to describe what a cigarette was to them. "Folks put little rolls of paper in their mouths - on fire - and then breathe in the vapors. The vapors have a drug called nicotine that relaxes you - but can also make you sick if you use them for a long time." He was perplexed.

o   Someday? I'm going to be SO RICH I'm gonna have a television AND a phone IN MY ROOM. –Paul

o   4yr old: I'm going to pull my socks over my pants to look like a Pirate!

o   As soon as Paul finishes his homework, we can have dinner...I'm starving... Write, Paul, write like the wind! Only, reasonably legibly for a first grader!

o   Licking

§  Me: What are you licking?

§  7yo: I have to tell you the whole story.

§  Me: No. No story. I just want a noun.

§  7yo: But, I -

§  Me: No! Noun!

o   Party games?

§  "Please don't play ring-toss with your …."

§  -Overheard from the bathroom.

·         Dec

o   Bed Time

§  Shawn: *shouting* OK, kids – it’s pajama time!

§  Joss: *shouting with the same tone of voice* No thank you!

·        Top of Form

o   No trip to IHOP is complete without your son finding drug paraphernalia under the table.

o   Sleep

§  Does this happen with your kids?

§  Seven-year-old wakes up in the middle of the night - say 3AM. He's not upset or anxious (no nightmare), and he doesn't wake you up (most of the time). Instead, he just starts reading or playing quietly(ish). Sometimes he goes back to sleep, but often he just stays up until morning.

§  Last night he woke us up at 3:30am to see if it was wake up time yet. Beren put him back to sleep, but at 4:55 I heard him going down the stairs and moving one of his toys from one room to another and then shutting the door.

§  By afternoon he's a hot mess. Anyone else?

o   Two Paul-isms:

§  1. I tell him that we should do a jigsaw puzzle systematically. He says "I'd rather do it anti-systematically. That's the same as random."

§  2. I find him slowly rewinding a DVD (i.e., watching it backwards). I ask him what he's doing. "I'm unraveling the movie!"

o   Paul: I usually read to myself, so I don't reveal my great ability to talk out loud.

o   Lessons from the Great Toy Purge of 2014:

1.      In a box full of realistic toy bugs, there very well may be a real dead bug.

2.      If you're looking for one jagged piece of a toy, you might as well look under your foot as you step.

3.      Chances are you'll find all but one piece of each toy.

4.      Finding every card in two decks of cards should suffice for a miracle.

5.      Going through the bin of kippot (yarlmekes), you will find reminders of friends long passed and unsuccessful marriages.

6.      With a PhD in an engineering-related discipline, you *can* figure out how to get the toy and its accessories back in its original packaging. But you won't have the sense to realize that it would have been *much* faster to use one of the many plastic bins around you.

o   Had to reset the number in our household "365+ Days Without Vomit Time" sign. At 2:30am and again at 4:30am. Poor kid. Happy New Year! — with Beren Weil.

o   The boys are wearing their new scarves on their heads and singing, "I'm a lady...I'm a lady...no, I'm a young man with a scarf on his head."

o   Having an Animaniacs marathon with a sick kid. I love when he laughs at references he couldn't possibly get.

o   Vocabulary

§  "It's called a fly, honey, not a p****-hole."

§  -Husband discussing underwear with 7yr old.

o   It's past bedtime, but they are playing together sooooo nicely...quoting Animaniacs to each other while building with Paul's new Wedgits.

o   Who are you?

§  "Um dad, um mom, uh daddy, uh mom, um, JOSS?"

§  -Paul, trying to figure out who he wants to talk to.

o   Joss is singing the "Daddy's not home so we get to play with noisy toys" song...very gleefully...